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It seems like Iapos;m the only one looking for a girlfriend. Today I felt really good cause I was talking to someone and we had a lot in common and the thought came to my head "you know I donapos;t really know this person that well but they seem like someone I would enjoy dating"
Yet again an idea that will eventually send me to a place where I have been before oh so many a time where the person is not interested in me. I mean I love friends, but itapos;s kind of hard to be single when all your best friends talk about fucking bitches and shit like that and to think I canapos;t even get a girl to actually like me. I just pick the wrong people to like because I canapos;t find anyone who actually likes me, so I just put my hope in some stranger.
Strangely enough there have been a number of things that I thought would point to her actually liking me because we had a lot in common. For one her favorite dog at the pet hospital was named Bert. I got a fortune cookie saying that a short stranger would bring me blessings. It was the kind of little ironic things that I wish made this world make sense but really is there to taunt me.
Then again I donapos;t know why Iapos;m writing this. Iapos;m just a stupid boy who should just shut the fuck up and die already like everyone else.

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Its strange where life can take you. Yesterday my stomach hurt because we laughed too hard the night before. And last night i couldnapos;t not say it anymore. Its all so cyclical. And sometimes i wonder why i bother thinking about it at all, and why i let it hurt me/bother me/disrupt me so. Breaking, breaks, break. Iapos;m taking a break. I like having sb living so close to me. That five minute drive is all i need.

also, there is a small change i have pink eye. That or i just need to sleep more.
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So I was able to take the step to talk about things. After that talk, it has helped me to feel better and Iapos;m not taking as much time to stress on it. It does make me wonder things but Iapos;m still trying to figure them out in my head. Still happy I was allowed to say what was on my mind. Thanks again.

When it comes to my college issue, I have learned that according to what the business office summarized as far as what classes I still need....I�ONLY�HAVE 6�LEFT That completely excites me but its going to a rough time for me to manage all that I need too. Its only 16 credits considering the one is a 1 hour credit course but there is no way I�could take them all the same time. That in turn makes me being able to walk in May, but will still have to attend the last class during the summer and I hope to God it will be in the first session and will have my diploma by July. The closer I get, the farther away I feel Iapos;m getting even though that isnt the case. It has always been one point in my life that I have always thought Iapos;ll never see the day. I have come to realize I was wrong and that I am capable of handling whats left to deal with as I continue forward to the end of this tunnel of accomplishment. I already see myself crying about my near future classes.

Tonight�I, along with the rommie, will be going to a Holy Rosery church mass. Mainly just to check it out and see if we like it. Have always driven past it saying that one day I would try and go. WELL, today is the DAY and Iapos;m actually looking forward to it� Maybe it will help me. =)
�
If God brings you to it,
�He will bring you through it.�
�Happy moments, praise God.�
�Difficult moments, seek God.�
�Quiet moments, worship God.
�Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God.

-Author unknown�

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Hello.
This is my update. Its been a while again... As it always seems to be. Andrew made it home from his short deployment. It is nice to have him home. We have to shift in to family mode again though. Its like when he leaves we both shift in to different roles a bit. He has to focus on what he is doing and i have to focus on running things with out him. So we get used to that and when we get back to apos;normalapos; family life its a bit of a change again. Its a small transition from that to normal, but i have to remind myself to let him, insist almost, that he takes over some home responsibilities. The dad part he jumps in to with out a beat, but the helping around the house and with the budget.... Not so much. :) I gave him a break this time though because he was adjusting to jet lag and sleep deprivation.

The boys are good. Nathan has joined Cub Scouts and is enjoying that. Caeleb is doing really well in Kindergarten; Almost too good because so far everything they are working on he knows and he gets bored. It seems like the boys have finally found a rhythm they are happy and comfortable with. I have not seen them this content since before Andrew joined the Army.

I am.... I dont know. I am at a cross roads again... The post infant, post pregnancy hormones are slowly wearing off and i am feeling like myself again. That always makes me look at things differently. Like what i am doing with my life besides being a mom? Not that mom isnt enough for lots. I just need some other identity besides wife and mother. And to be honest, i dont have another life right now. Everything i do circles around the kids and the house and the husband. I like that, dont get me wrong. I am happy. I just know that i wont be totally satisfied with this forever.. I need to get a social life and do SOMETHING else with my time. It doesnapos;t have to be a job. I would even enjoy not to work for money but find some volunteer work i could spend my time on. I will keep looking. :)

Besides that, all is.. Stressful. No more than others normal lives... My van is not working properly. Something to do with the battery, alternator or some sort of connection. :) We have no money. Like none. Bills are getting paid based on priority...but we have money coming soon from the Army, drew will be reimbursed for his travel expenses and that should be enough to catch us up again and we are expecting some inheritance money coming as well... So i know we wont be broke forever. Iapos;m just hoping that it comes before it gets too desperate around here. Everyone has colds. Andrew will start working alot of hours soon, they need them to work about 9 hrs a day, 7 days a week. He will eventually be switching to overnights. A schedule that will ensure change again, but overall should work out fine.

I cant complain. I shouldnt anyway. But i am sorta up and down. I know what i need, i just dont know how to get it..


OH, i almost forgot to mention my formal occasion. :( The end of the month i have to attend a formal military dinner. They are having some sort of shindig because the office drew works with is switching over to the department of defense. I dont know the specifics, But i do know its a black tie dinner.. Of course drew will be in his Class Aapos;s. I am supposed to be in formal, or semi formal.
This causes me IMMENSE amounts of stress. I do not own a dress. I have some nice clothing, but nothing nicer than business casual. And most of that doesnapos;t fit me because i am a whale. So, i have to hope this extra $ comes in time for this dinner so i can get something to wear.. GOD the thought of shopping makes me want to scream. Add in the fact that i have to find a babysitter... I know NO ONE. And i am nervous about leaving my baby with someone i dont know very well.. Korrigan has not really ever spent more than a couple hours away from me, and then its always been with family. It wont be a long dinner and it will be the middle of the week... I am just. I dont know. I am dreading it a bit.

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�
I�seriously think Canada is suffering from Electoral Dysfunction.� Why are we currently in an election? Was it because Harper saw his polls going up and his chance for a Majority? Was it that Parliament could not function anymore?� Was it that Canada - in its weird envious relationship with its older sibling to the south - caught election fever after the Hillary /Obama ordeal, then the Palin/McCain scenario? , do y

Perhaps it was all of these things and perhaps it was only one of them. What ever the cause, we are suffering from Electoral Dysfunction. Why? Because weapos;ve just spend 300 million on an election that will accomplish nothing except shuffle around a few seats (though, I could be wrong). My prediction is that we will see a Harper Minority, with a shift in the opposition seats mainly. Harper claims he couldnapos;t make Parliament work last time - so, how can he accomplish it this time with the same numbers?� Honestly, I believe most Canadians would have preferred if our government sucked it up and worked together instead of bickering and complaining.�

Furthering my prediction, we will see an election in a year or two. Harperapos;s gov will try its best to steer the country, but will falter running deficits and trying to pull together an out-dated economy.� The liberal party will - most likely - choose a new leader within that time who the party thinks will offer better leadership and clear vision for the country. Expect an seasoned white guy from Toronto, Ontario.�
�
Again, I�could be wrong, but the reasoning behind my Liberal thought is that the recent Ontario election showed us the lack of loyalty in parties now-a-days - John Tory didnapos;t get elected, didnapos;t re-energize that party (as most thought he would), offered some controversial ideas, and he and the party failed. His party is now divided and looking for a new leader.� Sadly, I think the same thing will happen here. Dion, while a great thinker, isnapos;t capturing the hearts and minds of Canadians, be it be Media Hype leading people to believe that, or personal thoughts or intuition. However, you feel about it, he didnapos;t step up to the plate as a leader in the same way we have seen Layton and May.

But, perhaps I am wrong in my thoughts. I guess we shall find out tonight and in the coming months. However, I still think we need to be asking our government the question - You couldnapos;t make Parliament work last time, so., how can you accomplish it this time with so little changed?� I just wish that the Liberals and NDP get enough seats to present a hard opposition to the Conservatives in th days to come. Truely, though, I would like those parties to get enough seats that the whisper of "coalition" echos through the halls of Parliament.



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Yesterday was my anniversary with Mike.� I wish we could have spoken on the phone, but the care package I sent him has all my feelings in it for him.

Itapos;s the longest and best relationship Iapos;ve ever had, and Iapos;m so glad I got over my anxiety of dating anyone ever again.

Found a place to live.� Itapos;s a sweet little apartment in a quiet complex near a church.� I think itapos;ll be a good change.

Work is good.� Trailer Trash Barbie is getting more tolerable.

Goldie is getting fat.� Thank goodness itapos;s a cute fat.

Iapos;m losing weight.� more than 14 pounds according to the doctorapos;s scale.� Hurrah.

Ornament debut went off well.� I was told numerous times that I was a beautiful Cinderella, and had four strangers take pictures of me.� I donapos;t care if it was because I was a fat Cinderella, it was just flattering to be asked.
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Op 13 oktober 2008...
Was het twee keer zo erg als normaal

Eigenlijk zou ik in mijn huis een luchtmonster moeten nemen. Om te kijken of ik geen gevaar loop, zo. Of er geen explosie-gevaar dreigt, bijvoorbeeld. Want ik heb zojuist gekookt. Er hangt hier werkelijk een geurgordijn, zo dik dat ik mezelf amper staande kan houden. Kijk, als het kouder wordt ga ik graag aan de winterkost. En spruitjes hebben dan een streepje voor. Zeker zo aan het begin van het seizoen, als ze er net weer zijn. Maar je ontkomt er niet aan dat die dingen bij bereiding de welbekende spruitjeslucht veroorzaken. Die meestal nog uren blijft hangen ook. De keerzijde van de medaille, hoewel die in wezen nog wel overkomelijk is. Vandaag kwam er nog een factor bovenop. Ik had domweg te weinig spruitjes voor een hele maaltijd, dus moest er nog iets bij. Nu had ik ook nog een halve bloemkool liggen. En die ging -huppakee- ook de pan in. Maar ook bloemkool laat graag van zich horen als het gekookt wordt. Dus je begrijpt: ik heb hier de poppen aan het dansen.

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