fountain lightning

Hello.
This is my update. Its been a while again... As it always seems to be. Andrew made it home from his short deployment. It is nice to have him home. We have to shift in to family mode again though. Its like when he leaves we both shift in to different roles a bit. He has to focus on what he is doing and i have to focus on running things with out him. So we get used to that and when we get back to apos;normalapos; family life its a bit of a change again. Its a small transition from that to normal, but i have to remind myself to let him, insist almost, that he takes over some home responsibilities. The dad part he jumps in to with out a beat, but the helping around the house and with the budget.... Not so much. :) I gave him a break this time though because he was adjusting to jet lag and sleep deprivation.

The boys are good. Nathan has joined Cub Scouts and is enjoying that. Caeleb is doing really well in Kindergarten; Almost too good because so far everything they are working on he knows and he gets bored. It seems like the boys have finally found a rhythm they are happy and comfortable with. I have not seen them this content since before Andrew joined the Army.

I am.... I dont know. I am at a cross roads again... The post infant, post pregnancy hormones are slowly wearing off and i am feeling like myself again. That always makes me look at things differently. Like what i am doing with my life besides being a mom? Not that mom isnt enough for lots. I just need some other identity besides wife and mother. And to be honest, i dont have another life right now. Everything i do circles around the kids and the house and the husband. I like that, dont get me wrong. I am happy. I just know that i wont be totally satisfied with this forever.. I need to get a social life and do SOMETHING else with my time. It doesnapos;t have to be a job. I would even enjoy not to work for money but find some volunteer work i could spend my time on. I will keep looking. :)

Besides that, all is.. Stressful. No more than others normal lives... My van is not working properly. Something to do with the battery, alternator or some sort of connection. :) We have no money. Like none. Bills are getting paid based on priority...but we have money coming soon from the Army, drew will be reimbursed for his travel expenses and that should be enough to catch us up again and we are expecting some inheritance money coming as well... So i know we wont be broke forever. Iapos;m just hoping that it comes before it gets too desperate around here. Everyone has colds. Andrew will start working alot of hours soon, they need them to work about 9 hrs a day, 7 days a week. He will eventually be switching to overnights. A schedule that will ensure change again, but overall should work out fine.

I cant complain. I shouldnt anyway. But i am sorta up and down. I know what i need, i just dont know how to get it..


OH, i almost forgot to mention my formal occasion. :( The end of the month i have to attend a formal military dinner. They are having some sort of shindig because the office drew works with is switching over to the department of defense. I dont know the specifics, But i do know its a black tie dinner.. Of course drew will be in his Class Aapos;s. I am supposed to be in formal, or semi formal.
This causes me IMMENSE amounts of stress. I do not own a dress. I have some nice clothing, but nothing nicer than business casual. And most of that doesnapos;t fit me because i am a whale. So, i have to hope this extra $ comes in time for this dinner so i can get something to wear.. GOD the thought of shopping makes me want to scream. Add in the fact that i have to find a babysitter... I know NO ONE. And i am nervous about leaving my baby with someone i dont know very well.. Korrigan has not really ever spent more than a couple hours away from me, and then its always been with family. It wont be a long dinner and it will be the middle of the week... I am just. I dont know. I am dreading it a bit.

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