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She is a curse. The life of this party and the death of you. Everything she does is innocent, she seems like that angel here straight from heaven. Everything is justified, she is the embodiment of hope and the personification of the perfect disaster. Love is her goal, yet love will kill both her and all those who cherish her. She deserves all that she gets. She deserves the praise of her friends and the complements from her men and the heartache that crumbles everything within her. She preaches all that is good, but sins without control or knowledge. You could say shes been taken advantage of, that shes been hurt, knocked down and built up again, but that is who she is. Shes got the curse of curves and the blessing of everlasting optimism. If you ask her what she would like to change about herself, shed say nothing at all. Maybe she thrives off her pain, and if she didnt have it she would have no purpose. She is a crime deserving of no outside punishment, no one would have the guts to give it anyway. And if anyone were so bold as to damn her, that army of worshipers will defend and destroy. Her beauty has gained her so much, and she could get anything she desires. She knows how to lie, how to manipulate, and how to please. And no matter how much she does it, the masses still hold there hands up to her in devotion. And they should, for everything she does she does out of love. Love that kills. Love that destroys her, her lover, and her lovers past. Her only downfall: time never dies.

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fever on the dance floor

That sounds somewhat schizophrenic. Can i please stop making myself feel worse. Iapos;m looking at everyone else succeeding...and iapos;m just..boo. I need to stop caring about everyone else, and keep pushing myself b/c i want to. I need to be motivated for me. No one else ever forced me to run track for 4 years all around. No one else made me make crazy ass flyers for spanish honor society prez...lose...and then try again and win. No one else made me try to be the best student i could be always or become an r.a. I wanted to do those things. Why is it so hard for me to make a decision on what i want now...i want success, but how...and what? thinking short term is so much easier...but all i know is long term from college to right now iapos;m not all that happy academically and i need to change this up. I need to make this a situation Iapos;M happy with...no one else...no balancing acts...que sera sera. Can i be selfish for a couple years? iapos;d like to be selfish one last time. What do i want?

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every new beginning comes from

I was so stupid being a fan of T.O.P
He is such a PLAYER

arghh

but itapos;s ok.
itapos;s just fairytale right?
as if i will see him in reeality.
stupid me.

T.O.P is still my favourite.
muaxh
haha.

i was annoyed by my conductor recently.
I�MEAN�NEW�CONDUCTOR.
acting as if he knows everything about us.
DAMN�IT
he just came this week on tuesday.
ahh
SHOO
i dun wanna see him.
trying to discipline us.
FUCK�OFF
we canapos;t be discipline.
and we hate teachers like that
I prefer Mr Adrian.
AHH~
i want he to get fired
SHOOO

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Um. I rehearsed my ass off today. However, Iapos;ve been up for 31 hours and I am reallllly tired. This stressful stuff is starting to take a toll on me. @_@

That shit that they called dinner last night that I "ate" has made me sick. Fortunately, I only had a few bites because my stomach is in fucking knots and Iapos;m going to throw that shit up if it doesnapos;t come down. It tasted like mold.

Anywho, Iapos;m going to jet. I, for a change, actually have some things Iapos;d like to post about later on, within the coming days, so I promise to post and not go idle like I have been doing this time. Right now, however, I need to go downstairs and finish dinner. Then I need to wait for everyone to get home (being that Iapos;m home alone, which is a Godsend) and then go to sleep. I got something planned for 7am tomorrow morning and Iapos;ve got to be up, and 2 hours of sleep will NOT cut it this time.
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devil forging

Thanks for your support you two.

Again, sorry if I seem over dramatic, Iapos;m simply using livejournal as a vent for me to let out the things that are eating at me.� The demons haunting me will probably trouble me for the rest of my life, but Iapos;ll deal with it.� Iapos;m afraid that Iapos;ll have to ask for patience if you wish to read these posts, because I really am a rather moody person, full of self-doubt and self-loathing.� Iapos;m still learning to be strong enough to take all the pain in.

There is a balance between two worlds
One with an arrow and a cross
Regarless of the balance life has become
Cumbersome - Seven Mary Three



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Here is how it works:

Become friends with me and eventually start to get along with me really well. When people notice that we're pretty compatible and enjoy each others' company-- start treating me like shit. This is key. You must pretend that whatever friendship we previously had was a fluke, and now I'm just an annoying nag.

We can't have the other people you know thinking negatively about you because they don't like me.

Heaven for-fucking-bid.

Yeah, this is probably about you.

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college community district solano

It is so cold outside, 50 deggrreeeeees right now. At night it drops to like 18..20.
I like it here, wish I could stay forever.
Cold breezy clean air and big hearted people...
Nick took me to the skate park... I used my half frame and came out with some reallly cool shit.
He did a switch blunt to fakie? i think haha um on a 6 foot vert�and the first frame is from the front and the second is from the back. I had lost count of the frames and wasapos;nt sure if it was going to come out but it did I should invest in a scanner but then again i like my prints.... I framed that one for nick. He really likes it. Also I have been taking pictures of nicks niece and nephew who are both two years old.....Its been fun. Nick and i have been doing really great actually. We both want to be together and are trying to find a way to make it work....that being said...

I donapos;t want to go back home.

"There is no greeener grass, love what you got or lose what you have"
�

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It seems like Iapos;m the only one looking for a girlfriend. Today I felt really good cause I was talking to someone and we had a lot in common and the thought came to my head "you know I donapos;t really know this person that well but they seem like someone I would enjoy dating"
Yet again an idea that will eventually send me to a place where I have been before oh so many a time where the person is not interested in me. I mean I love friends, but itapos;s kind of hard to be single when all your best friends talk about fucking bitches and shit like that and to think I canapos;t even get a girl to actually like me. I just pick the wrong people to like because I canapos;t find anyone who actually likes me, so I just put my hope in some stranger.
Strangely enough there have been a number of things that I thought would point to her actually liking me because we had a lot in common. For one her favorite dog at the pet hospital was named Bert. I got a fortune cookie saying that a short stranger would bring me blessings. It was the kind of little ironic things that I wish made this world make sense but really is there to taunt me.
Then again I donapos;t know why Iapos;m writing this. Iapos;m just a stupid boy who should just shut the fuck up and die already like everyone else.

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Its strange where life can take you. Yesterday my stomach hurt because we laughed too hard the night before. And last night i couldnapos;t not say it anymore. Its all so cyclical. And sometimes i wonder why i bother thinking about it at all, and why i let it hurt me/bother me/disrupt me so. Breaking, breaks, break. Iapos;m taking a break. I like having sb living so close to me. That five minute drive is all i need.

also, there is a small change i have pink eye. That or i just need to sleep more.
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